well I can't set my house on fire every night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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