...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
