You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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