i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
