You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
