man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
