So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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