i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
