For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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