Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
