the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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