I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
