Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
