Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
