hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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