she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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