We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
