fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
