we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
