I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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