and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
