Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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