My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do vagina's smell?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
