saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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