Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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