I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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