Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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