Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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