actually, I'm a sock model
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
