I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
