i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
