Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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