You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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