So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
