Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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