No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
