After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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