Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
