Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
