i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
