if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
