oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
