she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
