Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
