How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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