I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize