You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize