I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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