he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
