im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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