Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
