I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize