So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
