Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize