hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
