friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
