yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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