Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
