Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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