did you get engaged???
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
