We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
