my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
