Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
