you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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