i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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