Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize