wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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