He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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