Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
